How To Talk About Mental Health?

For most of us, talking about mental health is not easy. One of the main reasons is uncertainty:

• I don’t know how to
• I don’t know how it will go
• I don’t know if it’s the right idea
• I don’t want to be judged
• I don’t want an outcome we fear to come true
• I don’t want to make things worse
• I don’t want things to feel more real then we can handle by talking about it

​So let’s Jump into it…

Talking about mental health effectively and sensitively is crucial part of supporting those around you or expressing your own mental health and needs.

Here is a rough outline and tips to help you have the conversation about mental health. You will find it broken down into three sections, for you, for others, and pro tips:

For Yourself

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet, private setting where you can talk feeling safe, comfortable and without interruption or a sense of being watched. Make sure it’s a good time for you and whoever you are intending on chatting to. Its typically not a good idea to overwhelm someone by dropping an important topic on them mid task or while they are overly burdened.
2. Be Clear and Direct: Clearly express what you’re observing, experiencing, and feeling. Use “I” statements to focus on your feelings rather than generalising your condition. It’s hard to make people defensive with our own personal experiences. Eg. I have felt alone in my struggles when…. vs you make me feel alone when….
3. Be Prepared for Different Reactions: Not everyone will understand immediately. Prepare yourself for possible misunderstandings or dismissive reactions, and plan how you might handle them. It might not be in one conversation, focus on understanding the confusion and difference can help problem solve how to get the message across.
4. Know What You Need: Before the conversation, think about what support you would like. Are you looking for advice, help finding professional resources, or just need someone to listen? Writing things down, even on a napkin, can help keep the conversation on track and remember what needs to be said or asked for, even if the conversation gets a little harder.

For Others

1. Listen Actively and Without Judgment: Give your full attention, show empathy, and refrain from making judgments or offering unsolicited advice. Let them know you’re there to listen, not to judge. Doing less is more!
2. Use Open-Ended Questions: Encourage them to share more about their experiences by asking questions like “How have you been feeling about that?” or “What has that been like for you?” take the time to understand the difference in how they are processing things and seeing things.
3. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their feelings by saying things like, “That sounds really tough; anyone would feel stressed in that situation.” Acknowledging someone’s feelings does not mean you agree with their perspective, especially if you don’t. It’s merely stating that you can understand that they are feeling a certain way.
4. Offer Support, Not Solutions: Unless asked, don’t try to fix their problems. Instead, ask how you can support them, whether it’s continuing to listen, helping them find professional help, or checking in on them regularly. You don’t need to feel pressure to solve things or know what to do in the situation. Simply ask.
5. Educate Yourself: Understanding mental health issues and the vocabulary used in discussing them can help you be a better supporter. It also shows that you take their concerns seriously and are committed to helping. Share what you have found and researched. You don’t need to be an expert in their mental health, just show interest and learn together.
6. Follow Up: After your initial conversation, check in with them periodically. This shows that you care and provides ongoing support which can be very comforting to someone dealing with mental health issues. Meeting without actions are usually a waste of time. Checking in on them is a form of action.

Pro Tips

• Scheduling: If you or the person(s) you intend to talk to are busy people, try to schedule it in at certain time and day. In an ideal scenario there will be an appropriate time for all involved, in a less ideal or typical scenario there will be obstacles to lining up schedules. Try and find the least disruptive option, keeping in mind, not having the conversation is usually worse than the disruption.
• Avoid down play or up play language: Don’t say you ‘just want to have a chat’ and then drop a heavy conversation. At the same time saying ‘we need to talk’ or ‘this is very important’ might over alarm people into over thinking and overly fixating on the anticipation of the conversation.
• Avoid Stigmatising Language: Words have power, especially during sensitive conversations, like talking about mental health. If you are unsure of how to describe something then state that and invite the other person to help with the definition. Avoid terms that perpetuate stigma, a sense of judgement or could be perceived as minimising, belittling, or mocking. Eg. You are so dramatic/crazy, it’s not that bad (even if trying to be encouraging), it’s not the end of the world, or but did you die.
• Stay Patient and Flexible: Mental health discussions can be unpredictable. Be patient and stay flexible, adjusting the conversation as needed based on the other person’s responses and comfort level. We are the reference point in how we see the world, we also have a bias; that everyone is like us and shares our view of the world. That is very rarely the case, we are all unique and have had wildly different life experiences. Trying to consider the difference in world views can turn this into a problem solving instead of who is right kind of conversation. This has been well researched in countless twin studies (all things the same expect environment/experience).
• Encourage Professional Help: If the situation seems beyond what you or they can help with as a friend or family member, encourage seeking professional help. Offer to assist with finding a therapist or support group if needed. Often relationships can feel strained when we take off our personal support person hat and put on then acting therapist, or medical support hat. Trying to do things that take years of training and often by a team of people can be dangerous and most often leads to burn out and emotional fatigue. Let’s review a perspective you may not have considered till now. We can train medical clinicians and support staff. In contrast, it is very hard to have reliable, trustworthy, present, and dependable personal supports. With this in mind, it makes the personal support role more valuable because it is less interchangeable then educated and experienced health professionals. Protecting against burnout and relationship strain is important to not lose the more important roles in our lives.